My Top 5 Quick Tips

If you fly regularly, you no doubt balk at the deranged security procedures that make nobody safer and annoy the hell out of everyone, including the staff. Here are my top 5 tips to beat the stress.

1. Wear a Suit Jacket

This is because they have lots of pockets. Put your passport, change, tickets, and anything else in any of the many pockets at your disposal. Slip the jacket off at security, and back on again, full of all those slips of paper that you seem to need. On the other hand, do not wear an outdoor coat to the airport. What, you think you won’t be too hot? Sling it in the hold.

2. Wear slip on (and off) shoes

You may need to remove your shoes at security, and when on board your feet may swell. Don’t bring any with laces. Likewise, do not use metal cufflinks or collar stiffeners. Plastic all the way and no laces? Imagine you are going for a stretch in prison. Let’s face it, you are.

3. Use the hold baggage allowance

You’re not as clever as you think you are, with your wheeled case. Throw it in the hold and forget about it. And put your laptop in too. Are they paying you travel time? Thought not. Sling the lappy and forget all about work. You are on vacation until you reach the office. Make sure all your liquids go in there too. Only rank amateurs, or those doing day trips, bring their wet bag into the cabin.

4. Get an inflatable neck pillow

Trust me, unless your flight is an hour or less, do yourself a favour. Do not get a memory foam one. Get an inflatable. You will look like a prick, but who cares? You will be more asleep than death himself.

5. Upgrade to priority security if you have the chance

And my 5a tip is to upgrade your passport arrival too. Gatwick offer both services for next to nothing. You’ll need them if you want to avoid having a stroke.

Bon Voyage!